my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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