just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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