We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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