My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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