she woke up with a sticky ear
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
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