in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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