also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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