The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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