My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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