Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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