Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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