my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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