can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
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Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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