Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
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Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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