i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
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He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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