I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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