im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize