did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
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We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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