You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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