You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
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you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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