Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
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sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
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I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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