The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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