meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
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I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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