i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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