i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is Oprah even human
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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