just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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