Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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