i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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