I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize