imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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