pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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