You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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