i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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