im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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