i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
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i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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