So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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