I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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