I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize