Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
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this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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