i just sent this text using only my big toe
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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