I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
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I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
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You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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