...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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