I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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