Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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