I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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