I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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