Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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