I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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