Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize