He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize